Unanswered Prayers

I grew up the oldest of five children and although we had great childhoods it certainly was a chaotic one. I never had any intention of having a big family. In fact it often crossed my mind to skip the whole child raising aspect all together. But as they say….. then came love, then came marriage, then came the baby in the baby carriage.

After our fourth baby- I was done. Tired and overwhelmed there was not one ounce of me that thought of having any more children. And then came that positive pregnancy test. Shortly after that came the tears. Lots of tears. I walked out into our backyard in the quiet of the early morning hours and began to pray. I didn’t pray for the typical worries that a baby can bring. No, I actually began to pray that the Lord would take this baby back. A thought that I’m ashamed of now. But at that time in my mind there was no way I would be able to manage a fifth child. The anxiety and the overwhelming thought of ANOTHER pregnancy, ANOTHER year of nursing ANOTHER baby. It was just too much. Why would the Lord bless me with such a gift when I knew I couldn’t manage? And so I pleaded with the Lord to just take this baby back.

Boy am I so, so very thankful the Lord didn’t answer that prayer. Although that last pregnancy was riddled with issues and several miscarriage scares Kale Orion turned 7 today!! He has been a source of such love, excitement, and fun. I am beyond grateful that we have a Lord that knows what we need way more then we can ever imagine. And I find great comfort in knowing with the Lord, nothing is impossible.

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